I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
