OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Randomize
