he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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