i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
