im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
