I skipped work to stalk him.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
