yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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