His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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