is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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