yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
