I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
