john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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