"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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