Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
