First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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