yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
