I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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