Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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