if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
