It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
sex in a hospital.. check
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
