I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
