ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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