I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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