Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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