there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
