Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
