sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
