Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
