Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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