I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
