yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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