Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
