We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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