just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
