the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
