i think i have two assholes
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
