please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
