he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
