win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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