i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
