i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
