Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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