The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
