How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
did i walk over a car last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
