Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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