loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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