all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
