Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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