What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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