there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
