Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
